July 14, 2024

Fox News Internal Memos: A New Idiom Worth Dipping Into

So, here's the backstory: A new documentary that takes apart the purported "fairness" and "balance" of Fox News is now #1 on Amazon's sales ranking for DVDs. The documentary, Outfoxed, is the result of hours and hours of carefully-combed Fox News footage and expert analysis. Basically, what the network boils down to is a mouthpiece of the Republican party. Part of the documentary's evidence comes from leaked memos from John Moody, Senior Vice President, News Editorial, for Fox. I love leaked memos! Wonkette has them all.

Reading Moody's skewed directives to his shrill and shilling hands-up-their-asses legion of robot 'reporters', I couldn't help but be intrigued by a few choice idiomatic expressions which deserve more wide-spread usage.

pure Fox!
...This one is my favorite. While Moody is referring to national forests-as-pot farms, it could have a variety of applications in everyday parlance. "So, what did you do last night?" "Fucked up, man. I snorted coke off Mary Kate's distended belly." "Dude, that's pure Fox!"

mouth candy
...Another good one. Mouth candy. Wasting on-air time saying nice things about a guest when really we should be cutting to a commercial for the new Hummer. "Uh, cut the mouth candy with that guy. It's obvious he's not going to let you fuck him!"

virtual "thank you's"
...Related to mouth candy. Those annoying little pleasantries we pay to people below us, like waiters and bus drivers, that we really don't mean. "Oh, darling, thank you for running all the way across the mall to the other Nine West for a pair of Bruno Maglis in my size, but could you please stop breathing heavily on me???"

weekend news
...Anything that's not worth reporting on during the weekday, when everyone is watching (i.e., anything having to do with John Kerry, or 99% of my life).

taste race to the bottom
...The race that Fox continually finds itself winning, or, any competition in which two or more entities try to outdo each other as purveyors of salaciousness and sensationalism. "Yeah, I guess my lowest moment came when I was tweaked out at that White Party and came to riding a massive dong in a papoose on the back of an ancient drag queen." "Well, once I sucked off Elton John in a limo as it cruised the streets of Minneapolis." "Pure Fox."

(and let the ACLU stick it where the sun don't shine)
...Appended to anything done that happens to violate the Bill of Rights. "We're going to round up everyone who has bought a copy of the Koran from Barnes and Noble in the past six months, put hoods over their heads, dress them in orange, and hide them in cages on a corner of a communist island (and let the ACLU stick it where the sun don't shine)." Alternatively: "Time to snipe me some abortionists (and let the ACLU stick it where the sun don't shine)."

day of lives
...A day of talking to real live people, finding out the 'word on the street', testing the waters, taking the pulse of the nation, speaking to the average joe about the issues that really matter to him. As in, "Well, it's official. I'm now out of toilet paper, ramen, clean underwear, and Tina, so I'll have to visit the grocery store, the Gap, and my dealer. I guess it's going to be a day of lives."

blow breaks
...Foregoing commercials to stick with a hot story. If Jacko climbs up on an SUV without any pants on, we're going to blow breaks and stick with the story. "I was so kicking ass last night at Quake that I blew breaks and ended up actually pissing myself." "Check out Janet over there. She's had so much to drink--I think she might puke at any moment." "Well, I'm not going to miss THAT! Let's blow breaks until she vomits on her boyfriend."

dip into
...I suppose it's okay to dip into Kerry's campaign speech today, as long as you somehow manage to call him a flip-flopper. "Did you read the newspaper this morning? The world is totally fucked up. We probably won't make it to the year 2020, what with global warming, terrorism, and general instability and turmoil spreading throughout the world. Fuck, we probably won't even have a national election this November." "Meh, I didn't get the sense that things were so bad. But then again, I only dip into the news."

Posted by jason at July 14, 2024 11:35 AM