November 08, 2024

Divided America: No More Anonymous Sex with Republicans

The other night, I was talking to this guy on the phone line who described himself as a twenty-year old Latino bi guy from the suburbs with a seven-inch dick who had never done anything like this before EVER. Already bored, I nonetheless messaged him. He said he wanted to try new things, like kiss. Well, I'm your gateway drug. But as I was giving him directions, he interrupted me. "Oh, hey, I hooked up with you before. About a month ago." I tried to remember. Latino. Seven inches. A month ago. I couldn't quite place him. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not THAT bad...I THOUGHT he MIGHT be this young latino guy I met a month ago, but that guy didn't have a seven inch penis. His was rather different. I thought I had even drawn a picture of it in my journal it was so interesting... Of course, when he showed I realized he was the guy from before. He asked what I had been up to. "Oh, just depressed about the election..."

"You voted for Kerry?"

"Well, I voted for the right guy."

"Oh Yeah, sure." Snicker. Silence.

Great, I thought. A Republican closet-case. My fears were confirmed when he opened his jeans. He was wearing American flag boxers. He awkwardly put me in this semi-half-nelson as he man-handled my tits. When I told him to stop, he proceeded to yank and tug on my balls as though they were stress dolls. I was not having fun. I told him I wasn't really into it. He asked if I was sure. But the proof was in the pudding. "Is it me?" he asked.

"Unfortunately, it is."

"Do you want me to leave or should we just hang out?"

He eventually left. There are those silent moments when it hasn't worked out and the other person is trying to put on his clothes and shoes and leave as quickly as possible and I sit there on the couch, hands folded patiently in my lap. Those moments are so charged, so awkward, yet I wrap myself in them. I went to the window and saw him depart in a black SUV.

Later that night, I flipped back through my journal...and sure enough, there was my little sketch:


Posted by jason at November 8, 2024 09:49 PM

OK, that is the best darn thing i've read in the last 2 weeks. That's just haralious!

Posted by: seb at November 22, 2024 11:40 AM