November 13, 2024

Sore Winners; or, looking foward to the next four years

Marking the brief return of your guest blogger.

Letter to the editor published this week in Washington City Paper:

With this recent election, citizens of the District of Columbia made apparent their disdain for America by casting 90 percent of their votes for Kerry. Frankly, people who love God, and love America, voted to re-elect George Bush. Those who cast their ballots for John Kerry did so because they hate America. One hopes their hatred will be returned ten times by those Americans they despise.

I pray to God that during his second term George Bush enacts policies that mercilessly punish Washington, D.C. Let this be an example to the many traitors among us. America is not going to tolerate your insolence and depravity any longer. You are not welcome here.

Austin Porter

Posted by Glenda at November 13, 2024 09:26 AM


dude, i am STILL FUCKING DRUNK .....

xx jas

Posted by: jason at November 14, 2024 11:25 AM

Anybody who can explain to me what the above comment has to do with my post wins three slightly-soiled copies of Leather and Loogies Monthly.

Posted by: glen at November 14, 2024 01:46 PM

I am Austin Porter The CityPaper letter was meant as satire. That it wasn't immediately recognized as such distressed me as much as the outcome of the recent election. The anonymous phone calls that threatened me and called me a fascist were less than pleasant, but I guess I had it coming. In some ways the letter was frighteningly accurate. In response to the recent disaster in the far east, DeLay read a section of biblical verse (see below)that suggested the death and destruction occurred because the victims were not believers (but Muslims I guess he meant). I somehow suspect that at least a few dead and injured, tourists perhaps, were Christian. I wonder how he explains the three hurricanes that devastated Florida this past year. I do apologize for writing a foolish letter. Like most humans, I often do very silly things.

This (Tuesday) morning at 9am, C-SPAN had a live telecast of the 109th Congressional Prayer Service from a church on Capitol Hill. There were some sentiments shared about the recently-passed Bob Matsui and Shirley Chisholm, and, amidst the scripture readings, reminders from a few Congressmen about the Christian foundation of our government. Others spoke of the Asian tsunami tragedy.

Then Tom DeLay gets up to the pulpit, and -- striking a beautiful note in light of the 150,000 dead from the floods referenced by his colleagues -- lets loose with some Matthew 7, beginning at verse 21.

(Many thanks to ben for the heads up on the exact wording, and to DemWatch for directing us to this transcription of the reading and MP3.)

Saith DeLay:
"A reading of the Gospel, in Matthew 7:21 through 27.
Not every one who says to me, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven; but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.
Many will say to me on that day, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?
"Then I will declare to them solemnly, 'I never knew you: depart from me, you evil doers.'"
Everyone who listens to these words of mine, and acts on them, will be like a wise man, who built his house on a rock:
The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew, and buffeted the house, but it did not collapse; it has been set solidly on rock.
And everyone who listens to these words of mine, but does not act on them, will be like a fool who built his house on sand:
The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew, and buffeted the house, and it collapsed and was completely ruined."
He finishes reading, says nothing more, and sits back down.

Posted by: Austn Porte at January 12, 2024 05:19 PM

It certainly is a spot-on impersonation, Austin. Whether it's effective satire depends on how important it is that people recognize that what they're reading is, indeed, satire. I have a good nose for put-ons, but I bought this one--which is more evidence, as if we needed more evidence, that American reality today is its own parody.

Given what's out there, signing your own name to the letter was crazy--though I realize that the City Paper made you do it. No fools they, even when they're being fooled.

Posted by: glen at January 13, 2024 05:23 PM