five | oclock | bot: The Fuckability of Bea Arthur

December 11, 2024

The Fuckability of Bea Arthur

Last night at Christopher's party, we sat around talking about our first T.V. or screen crushes--from the late seventies or early 80s. Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now, Harrison Ford in Empire Strikes Back, a younger Harrison Ford in The Conversation (he was quite popular). I said my biggest crushes were Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher. B, weirdly enough, said his biggest crushes were Donny Osmond and Robin Williams in Mork and Mindy.

We had to then move on to the late 80s, for the sake of some younguns in the midst. I expressed my willingness to go down on Bea Arthur, which didn't shock anyone at the table (probably because we were all fags).

So I has happy to find winneroftheSAT's three-part series on the Fuckability of the Golden Girls! I totally agree with these sentiments about Estelle....

Menopause is everyone's friend when you're old. The major bennie for dudes is that the elderly woman is more apt to partake in mindblowing unprotected sex binges. Because Sophia no longer has periods--her menses is paused--the risk of accidentally bringing another Dorothy into the world is reduced to zero! There is probably no need to worry about VD with her, she's a committed monogamist to the spirit of her deceased husband Sal. Although, we never know for certain what went on in her years at the Shady Pines nursing home, one could assume no one got into those cotton briefs with incontinence liners besides the occasional staff nurse.

There's something in the air though in Miami. The heat, the salty waves--it drives men and women wild. If you do choose to rail Sophia Petrillo, bring plenty of astroglide folks. Chances are that shit is drier than the Atacama desert and tighter than LL Cool J driving a Bentley with one arm. Picture it!

However, I have to disagree, vehemently, with the characterization of Dorothy as a fatalistic botched op trannie.