Bears!

I'm off to the Minneapolis Eagle, the local leather and bear bar, in a few minutes. My friend is picking me up on his chopper and we're going to take advantage of Friday three-fer-ones. In honor of such a salubrious way of starting the weekend, I thought I'd share with you some photos of a hot bear that's been hanging around the homestead, looking for a nice hunk o man to sink his teeth into.

Hey hot stuff! Hairlicious! Hirsuteness becomes you! This bear has been hanging around my parent's garage all day, trying to get at some garbage. Man, they're hungry!...they'll eat anything!

Last time I spent a weekend at good ole northwoods homestead I grew up in, all Little House on the Prairie and shit, I decided to go for a run. No sooner had I passed our mailbox on the country dirty road we live on then I saw this bear, all ass and thighs, ambling in the ditch, basically undressing me with his eyes. Damn, imagine what those glutes could milk, I thought to myself. WOOF WOOF! I shouted, tossing him some colorful mardi gras beads. Alas, this made him run away.

My mom grew up in the woods and she could kick any bear's ass. She isn't afraid of shit in the natural world. She stood on the other side of the drive way and snapped some photos of the bear licking his chops after a tasty meal of trash.

Damn, bear daddy! I hope you know you are gonna have to clean the gristle trimmings and rotten manfood off that muzzle before I'll let you make me your bitch-cub!