Gay Graphics Roundup!!!

Bush's declaration of war against gays and lesbians who want to marry and live in peace has meant that the graphic artists for online news sites finally have something to do other than manipulate American flags into a thousand twisted "American Votes" and "Decision 2024" banners, buttons, icons, and splash pages. I could picture all these online editors going down to the basement and shaking the chains, throwing bowls of dog food in their poor interns' faces. I have to say not all of those interns deserve to live. There's variations in style and tone, some good, some bad when it comes to representing gays and lesbians in pictorial form. Here's a roundup of not necessarily the best, just the ubiquitous.

This is an old graphic of CNN's. See, we're weighing whether we want to allow gays and lesbians to marry. As if it's our choice. CNN employed the tired old conceit of the wedding cake figurines to prove their point that lesbians on average are fatter than gay men. Despite memberships at Lifetime Fitness these svelte fags in their black tuxes know better than to cultivate huge pecs, though it might be the hoops under those puffy dresses that tip the scales in favor of the lesbians. I do like the gentle shading of this graph, the sad attempt at a flag in the distance. But after Bush's speech CNN came out with this graphic:

Why mess with perfection? I don't get it. We've got a blurry straight couple here, standing behind some lines. Measuring marriage, yes, that's what we're doing now -- we're no longer weighing, we're measuring. The rainbow flag has been replaced by the American flag, perhaps to indicate how this topic has become central to the political debate. But lookit! This straight couple looks awful like those queers we were weighing up from before! They've gone "straight"! Shocking! Mr and Mrs. Hetero, your beards are wearing awfully thin! What we'll do to get in on those Bush tax cuts!

ABC news has the creepiest icon. Why are these two fags in white? At first I thought, 'white tuxedoes' and I was all like, 'ok'. But they're completely white. Have they been absolved of all sin in the eyes of God? Doubtful. And why is the rainbow flag all blurry? Why does that priest have such a fat face? The rainbow flag has been draped over the altar like a big fat sacreligious smear. The two gay men are as white as that guy on tina who tried to hit on me at that one orgy. And to me, it looks like that big carb-faced priest is holding a handful of shit to smear on their Perry Ellis White Southbridge Two Button Notches. "I do!"

In this MSNBC graphic, the question isn't so much should gays and lesbians be allowed to marry, but should young Richard Chamberlain clones be allowed to marry each other?

No one's told me yet why straight marriages need to be protected from gay marriages. Maybe I'm just a stupid faggot blinded by the same leftist ideology that is destroying the fabric of American morality and freedom enshrined by God as the foundation of the greatest free country of freedom-lovers in the world. But those boring old curmudgeons at the Family Research Council couldn't even find it in their hearts to splash a bit of color on their PROTECT MARRIAGE icon. They had no choice, really, since EVERY PRIMARY COLOR has been co-opted by the homosexual agenda in the form of the rainbow flag. Very smart, they are. You know, kids love colorful things like rainbows. Can we move away from the wedding cake thing now?

A triptych of CBS graphics. The one on the left is what they put up after the FCC fined them again for the indecency of displaying rainbow-colored wedding rings. Its Hawk Bush against rainbow jewelry, and he has declared war on a new enemy -- giant spinning rainbow wheels of death! Complete coverage of the spinning rainbow wheels come to trounce on a millenia of morality! Shadowy figures are sneaking up on marriage -- we know they practice anal sex, and wear rainbow colored rings! Look for them in train stations, on buses, traveling in pairs through our nation's airports. You will recognize them by their rainbow wedding rings! Be vigilant!

Get your very own rainbow wedding rings here!

And finally, will someone please tell the graphic designers at the Harvard Crimson that their shrooms have expired? Bush could scribble over the founding document all he wanted but it would never look as scary as that.