April 15, 2024

Jock Jams

Remember in junior high, when you wore zubaz? And then the JOCKS started wearing zubaz too, and because you couldn't stand to be associated with JOCKS, you had to stop wearing them? And so you moved on to Hypercolor t-shirts? Yeah, the same thing is happening with iPods now. The JOCKS have discovered them. I was reading the campus newspaper this morning on the can, when the latest issue of Sports Illustrated: On Campus slipped out of the fold and into my lap. Why do I read it? for the same reason I just can't leave hangnails alone, I guess. There's an article on North Carolina basketball sophomore Sean May, "Pimp My iPod". Gross. Well, what does a typical JOCK have on his iPod? I know you wanna know...

1. Jay-Z; The Black Album "I threw this one in before a game, and it was pretty upbeat--plus, I did really well that game--so I stuck with it for the entire season."

2. G-Unit; Beg for Mercy

3. Joe; And Then... "For four or five hours before a game I listen to nothing but R&B slow jams like this. It just mellows me out and cools my nerves."

4. Usher; Confessions "...my favorite slow jams album."

5. Tupac; Resurrection "I find it hard to believe Tupac's dead. How does someone who's dead keep coming up with album after album?"

6. Lil'Flip; Undaground Legend "It's something I'll normally bump in my car."

7. Michael Jackson; Number One "My ma gave me this one recently."

8. Dave Matthews Band "I could be walking down the street with my headphones on, and you'd think it's hip-hop, but it's Dave Matthews.

That these tracks should mar an iPod's innards! [Oh wait, as an aisde, I had no idea Usher's new album was called "Confessions". How funny is that? I wonder if he takes the time out between tracks to confess that he's a ragin' homo.] But this truly is sad...Next the JOCKS will be buying up all the cool bowling shirts at Ragstock and totally making tickets to Franz Ferdinand impossible to get! Gawd! Highschool SUXXX!!!

Posted by Jason at April 15, 2024 02:07 PM


Losers and homophobes.

Posted by: your mama at April 16, 2024 08:17 AM

Hey, I have almost every DMB album on my iPod, but no (c)rap.

Posted by: Mike C. at April 16, 2024 09:32 AM

Actually, the first 3 DMB albums (recently, under the table.., crash) were quite good. After that: max suckage...

Posted by: boogie_doggie at April 16, 2024 10:06 AM

...I could care less if you have all the DMB albums and bootlegs, you completely missed the point.

Jocks are retards and iPods are not to be pimped. It is a anointed and holy piece of tech given to us gadgetphiles.

Remember the Ark of the Covenant in Indian Jones? Those who are unclean die just looking at it, not to mention touching it.

The only way that they (as in jocks) find out about cool things is from MTV and MTV, do they read Sports Illustrated?!

I don't imagine that jocks count down the days to when Wired will appear in their mailbox or anticipate new news from their favorite RSS feeds. If they do, they might be persecuted.

On the other hand, Apple is king; capitalizing off of those simple-minded individuals who get an iPod because of its 'cool factor".

Those people might love their iPod, but forget about it after a while, or say that it is too much of a hassle to refresh your iPod's content which translates to: My Mom is going to have to put R. Kelly's songs on it, so I can blast it in my ride...

An iPod doesn't make you cool or even hep-to-tech, but it is a great place to start. The iPod is far beyond a mp3 listening device, it is an addition to your life.

Like a cellphone keeps me connected to those I'd care less to hear from, my iPod connects me to my sanity.

It creates a virtual music sanctuary where one can escape life, get inspiration, learn new things and appreciate music.

...or it can take you back in time when you'd share one ear-bud on a beat-up walkman on the bus to school listening to Bel-Biv-Devoe, making certain your turtle-neck was pinned with exposed gold chain, "pegged acid washed jeans and Reebok pumps.

Hang on, I sounded like I was a jock, IN DISGUISE!

Posted by: Mike at April 16, 2024 12:31 PM

I also read Sports Illustrated: On Campus. But I just look at the pictures of all the hot college athletes with their shirts off. I'm frankly more interested in what they've got under their uniforms than what's on their iPod...

Posted by: Brian at April 16, 2024 01:13 PM

You are an ignorant elitist. Why do you insist on putting up these barriers and segregating people into categories. What makes you think you are so much hipper and so much cooler than whatever you have lamely stereotyped as a "jock". You will find in life that there are good people and there are bad people. Sports take discipline, athletes are very focused people, I am not an athelete but i have friends that are atheletes and some are the smartest most intelligent people i know. Some of them are simply not very nice people (like yourself), who put people in little categories to make themselves feel more important. You obviously have some issues with self-esteem or were jealous that the "jocks" got the hot chicks and you had to settle for the "ugly" ones. After high school and college you will find that you will be in the real world with the "jocks" and the "nerds" and the "raging homos" and you will have to work and get along with them. I hope you get a huge gay ex-football player boss and he makes you his bitch. Good luck in life, you won't go far with that attitude of yours.

Posted by: whatmakesyousocool at April 16, 2024 01:38 PM

I was pissed that the jocks got all the hot chicks, but because I wanted the jocks, not because I got stuck with the ugly ones. I can only hope that someday a hot gay ex-football player makes me his bitch.

Posted by: Jason at April 16, 2024 01:56 PM

Everybody wants to be on a team. That's what behind the whole Republicans v. Democrats, Apple v. Microsoft, SUVs v. Whatever bullshit battles that people who'd rather not spend too much time actually thinking about things like to waste their time screaming about

It's difficult to get out of this kind of mindset (it has a name: prejudice), but worth the effort. Even if it will cost you some friends.

Posted by: cb at April 16, 2024 06:46 PM

No, you sound worse than a jock.

You sound like a raging idiot.

Posted by: Mark at April 16, 2024 09:19 PM

I think you're hipper and so much cooler than those you stereotyped as 'jock,' even if you had to screw the ugly chicks.

And I grudgingly admit to enjoying DMB's "Under the Table and Dreaming." I can't help it. I got to college and they gave me the key to my dorm and a DMB album.

Posted by: Andy at April 19, 2024 01:07 AM
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