May 14, 2024

To Do

Everyone, congratulate Brian on graduating from the University of Minnesota. Guess who's going to be his commencement speaker? No, not Lynne Cheney, silly! None other than Chef and Barbecue Wizard Famous Dave Anderson! Oh my! Careful not to get any barbecue sauce on your gown, Brian. It's a rental!

This weekend will also see savvy thrifting hipsters descend on Seward for their annual neighborhood rummage sale Take some aspirin, put on your dark sunglasses, and brave that hangover. You have to show up early if you want your pick of the ironic records. While you're in the neighborhood, swing by the U of MN dorms, and dumpster-dive for discarded blacklight posters, bongs, and mini fridges.

I guess there's some important basketball game here in Minneapolis tonight. Our team is playing some other team and I guess there's an award involved. The only thing more important than whether or not they win the game is where are Minnesota's glitterati sitting?????. First, I didn't know we had glitterati here in Minnesota, but apparently we do. What counts for glitterati in this town apparently is a has-been record producer (Jimmy Jam), a botoxed dairy queen weather anchor (Belinda Jensen), a fat womanizer (Kirby Puckett), Denny Hecker, of Denny Hecker's Auto World, and a mundane ex-heart-throb (Josh Hartnett). I feel for C.J., I really do. Let's focus on our strengths here, people.

Posted by Jason at May 14, 2024 12:00 PM

Haw haw haw! What a crap graduation speaker! We got Garrison Keilor! That totally rocked! Your boyfriend shoulda' stayed in school for another year!

Posted by: CPH Jones at May 14, 2024 08:32 PM

I think the record should show that Brian is very smart and a high honors graduate. Brian is an intellectual, and that plus $1.79 will get you a venti coffee at Starbucks, except that Jason has this irrational hatred for Starbucks (evidently the Cheri Pierson Yecke of the corporate world) and probably threatens Brian with some dire consequence if he goes there. In any case, congratulations Brian, you earned it.

By the way, Jason is also very smart, even if it's not always obvious from his blog.

Posted by: glen at May 17, 2024 08:00 AM

Let the record show that I forbid Brian from working at Starbucks, lest he be contemplating such a move. I'd rather support him as my concubine.

Posted by: jason at May 17, 2024 04:02 PM

I worked at Starbucks corporate for 4 months. It was either that - or starve. AND, if you could get beyond all the corporate prosletyzing, invasions of your privacy, and the fact that Starbucks is not all that different from Argentina - you never knew who was going to dissapear next (myself included), it wasn't so bad. I got a free pound of coffee a week, free Starbucks mugs, T-shirts, and other logorific crap, AND all the free pretentious, pseudo-European espresso beverages I could ever possibly hope to drink. Plus, I met a lot of very cool people there. Of course after they had me dissapeared (for showing up one minute late once too often [my shift began at 5:00 AM]), they did challenge my unemployment benefits claims - which was stupid of them, for I am Chris. Naturally I fought their refusal to fork out and I won.

So, if this Brian creature wants a job at Starfucks, have him talk to me and I'll see what I can do for the boy.

Posted by: CPH Jones at May 17, 2024 10:39 PM

no he WILL NOT.

Posted by: jason at May 17, 2024 10:58 PM

When I was in Seattle last August, I went to the purported original Starbucks in Pike Place Market, and I bought mug that said "Original Starbucks, Pike Place Market." They took my money and gave me a nice box with lots of careful packing so it wouldn't break, and when I got home I opened it and it was just an ordinary green Starbucks mug like I could buy at 129 locations within a 15 minute drive of my house. What a scandal. Now I go to Caribou.

Posted by: glen at May 18, 2024 01:43 PM
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