Krazy Kristians

Those krazy kristians are going koo-koo with passion over Christ these days. In Georgia, a husband and wife were arrested after a dispute over the finer points of theology escalated into a violent domestic dispute. The question they literally wrestled over? Was God the Father in the Holy Trinity HUMAN or SYMBOLIC?

"It was the dumbest thing we've ever done," she said.

Davidson, 34, and her husband, Sean Davidson, 33, were charged with simple battery on March 11 after the two called police on each other. They were released on $1,000 bail.

According to a police report, Melissa Davidson suffered injuries on her arm and face, while her husband had a scissors stab wound on his hand and his shirt was ripped off. He also allegedly punched a hole in a wall.

And in Hartland, Maine, a 23 year old man tried to crucify himself in his living room! He dialed 911 after realizing that it's hard to nail your left hand to a cross when the right hand is already pegged on there.

Police said the man appeared delusional and told them he had been "seeing pictures of God on the computer." He told them he had not seen the hit movie "The Passion of the Christ," which depicts the Crucifixion of Jesus.

Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

Normally, these sorts of stories would evoke in me a sad, cynical display of pity, however briefly. But not today. It's Friday, and the shipment of OxyContin I ordered over the internet from a pharmacy in Belize has just arrived! It's hard to get depressed about these kinds of things when you're riding through the afternoon on a tsunami of analgesic bliss! Ciao!