Okay, I need to write about stupid fucking shit for a change

So, when did life get so fucking serious? I almost shot myself in the fucking head this week. I need to ask for a raise so I can build up a nice cushion of cash and material possessions. Maybe then I can stop worrying about other people and how shitty the world is. In the meantime, this roundup of utterly pointless web inanity will have to do.

B3TA ... okay, since none of you are cool enough to have signed up for the b3ta newsletter yet, here's a best-of selection from this week's issue:

>> Spock and Kirk gay art! Spock standing shirtless in the rain. Playing frisbee in the swimming pool. Kirk and Spock at Disney's Gay Day. I bet you the Federation never considered an anti-gay marriage amendment...

>> I got Chris Rock's mobile phone number!!! What happens when an unimaginative young woman finds out she has Chris Rock's phone number? Nothing much.

>> The Biggest Fucking Sandwich Ever! ... Some people are just too fucking lucky.

>> Hacking TV! The end of civilization.

>> This guy thinks he's Jesus ... and he's got the sex-obsesssed, fucked-up missives to prove it. Hey, in two thousand years maybe we can use this shit to amend the constitution.

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Download some stupid videos that will appeal to that part of your brain that makes you laugh when you're crossing the street in front of Chipotle and a fat kid running past you falls into a big deep puddle of brackish rainwater.

Find someone you love or like a lot. Hole up with a copy of Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise. Make some sundaes!

Teach her some discipline at Fondly and Firmly - The Gentlemanly Art of Spanking the Woman You Love. She's been a willy one this week!

Hey -- things could be worse! You could be born a triplet in North Korea.

Assume the voice of Judge Judy at Ebaumsworld.

And hey, at least you aren't a troubled princess.

Whew -- that's it for today! Still upset about real-world stuff? Do what I'll be doing in ... mmmm .... an hour and a half: sit with the shades down and the lights off with a v&t (just a whisper of tonic, babes) and a smoldering Kool in the other. Turn up Karen Carpenter until you can't hear the voices anymore.

Well, I hear the helicopter touching down on the roof. It's time for the short 'commute' to my chateaux out in exurbia. Laterz!