March 09, 2024

And They Look So Cute Nibbling Those Bread Crumbs

Sure, we all grew up awwing over mallards, who mate for life you know, but it turns out these birds have a 'fowl' little dark side to them, one that's freaking out researchers, according to an article in The Guardian, "Necrophilia among ducks ruffles research feathers." According to Dutch (of course he's Dutch) researcher Kees Moeliker, mallard flocks are like a spring break horror-porno on meth. The duck world had already been revealed as degenerate and hedonistic (up to 1 in 10 mallard couples are homosexual), but Moeliker's scientific discovery would reveal it as much more dark.

Moeliker describes in his seminal paper the first case of homosexual necrophelia, witnessed by him when a mallard flew into his office window and was killed.

I went downstairs immediately to see if the window was damaged, and saw a drake mallard (anas platyrhynchos) lying motionless on its belly in the sand, two metres outside the facade. The unfortunate duck apparently had hit the building in full flight at a height of about three metres from the ground. Next to the obviously dead duck, another male mallard (in full adult plumage without any visible traces of moult) was present. He forcibly picked into the back, the base of the bill and mostly into the back of the head of the dead mallard for about two minutes, then mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force, almost continuously picking the side of the head.
Hopefully, this was an isolated incident, as no other cases of homosexual duck necrophilia have been recorded (and I've been looking). The moment hasn't failed to enter consciousness, however. My friend Shanai is absolutely obsessed with homosexual necrophilia in ducks, and has even made a diorama depicting the above incident.

Posted by jason at March 9, 2024 07:42 AM

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