February 20, 2024

Five O'Clock Bot: An Anniversary Epistle


Dear Readers,

Wow! Has it really been a year since I started this little "experiment" in something called "blogging" that by the time I got around to jumping on the band wagon had already been eclipsed by "meth" and "prisoner torture" as the cool things for kids to do? Look at how we've grown--from self-indulgent, nonsensical posts a year ago to self-deprecating, nonsensical posts today, we've come along way, baby!

Our dress fits a little looser. The punks next door drove Greg to drinking. Little Timmy was arrested in one of them gay arcades, and I published my first collection of short stories! What a year!

Boys have come and gone, and then come back, only to go away again and then return one last time as guest bloggers. As one of the more significant relationships of my life deteriorated and I flushed myself down an I-35 rest stop toilet of anonymous sex, liquor store robberies, and drag queen bust-ups, became the victim of an industrial accident in which ninety percent of my body was covered with 3rd degree burns, and eventually gave birth to a litter of puppies, I shared none of it with you, the close family of readers I've come to love, and instead posted about capris, folks who dance with their dogs, and Bea Arthur. Yep, you folks know absolutely nothing about me! A successful blog, that!

Speaking of my readers, what would I do without you? Thanks to those of you who are obsessed over whether or not Elijah Wood is gay (he is), and tween anorexics, I average around 400 visits a day! Those two topics sum me up, you betcha!

It hasn't been all fun and games though. We've tackled some tough issues--from the the leather fetishes of certain wingnuts, to the dominatrix of education, Cheri Pierson Yecke. We've delved into the complicated issue of the ex-gay movement, mostly by making fun of ex gays.

And through it all, this blog still hasn't gotten me laid.

Here's to another year of inanity!

Posted by jason at February 20, 2024 10:30 PM

I haven't been too long in your "blogging" history but I love to read your thoughts. It brings a certain soreness to my sides. Ah, I live for a reason to validate my use of Percocet. Mmmmm... stays crunchy even in milk.

You shame me with this posting by calling me and others like me out with your Elijah Wood is gay article. Which I still, to this day continuously show people my work.

On the morning I found it, I sent emails en masse to all my co-workers who know my sad and pathetic psuedo-celeb-stalker skills (side note: I flew all the way to New Orleans for Mardis Gras 2024, not to party, but to see Dominic and Elijah. Mission accomplished as they were staying in my Hotel de Sheraton. Gay or not, they sure hang out with a lot of pretty boys. I wouldn't mind the cast offs...) and titled it: "You know my obsession for Dominic, here's something of the same rainbow color that will bring a chuckle."

Speaking of that article, you said you wrote it for your boyfriend and the question was asked of his response. I see no answer. Why? Shall we be cheated from this?

In continuing my love and praise for you, I find myself in your comments. Whether it be a small glimmer of my personality or a faulty trait. Although, sorry to say, I wouldn't be caught dead in capris. I'm a gay of a different color.

I would like to slap your face...with love that is. The reason? It's similar to giving meth to a club kid for the first time. You have me completely addicted to Gawker.

You're the reason I check it forty times a day. And for this I say thanks. Now I'm light years ahead of my gal pals who purchase Us Weekly. I'm equivalent to the weekly "O.C. Oracle" (the one person who actually watched the show the night before and retells it with conviction and passion to the rest of the office on Friday mornings.) when it comes to celebrity gossip.

And my favorite comment on your site by far is:

I don'ot know how I found this site but I just typed in 'wicker park gloryhole' and low and behold, here I am.

Posted by: Kriss at October 13, 2024 11:57 PM

I love it!

I shall continue to read if thou will continue to post.


Posted by: lycanthos at February 22, 2024 07:47 AM
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